she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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