I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
