This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
