just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
