i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
