We named our party play list daddy issues
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
