I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
