I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
