Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
