I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
