**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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