At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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