My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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