I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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