she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
