Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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