The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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