My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone came in the potted fern
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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