i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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