woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
