Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
