I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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