I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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