oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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