i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
