I'm really into asian looking animals
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
