Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
