We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
