The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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