this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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