So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
