OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
