You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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