i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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