I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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