PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
