yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
