I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
