Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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