I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
