Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
