That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
