Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
