I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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