I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
