He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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