I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
