just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
