I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
