Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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