I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The power of my boobs compel you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
