David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
